Setting and maintaining a mood, execution in context

IMG_5692Always start with intention- WHY bondage? WHAT are you going to do after your partner is tied up (if anything)?

Consider what type of bondage scene you want to create together– a romantic scene that focuses on the sensations of rope against skin is quite different from playful catch-and-release tickle bondage! If you go into the scene expecting a sexy vibe and your partner just wants to practice a new ankle cuff they learned, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Consider the individual “why” of bondage. Are you a rope slut who just loves the feel of hemp against your skin? A sadist who gets off on having a “helpless” victim? A more cerebral type who likes to platonically work out new and different suspension ties? A submissive who wants to feel like a bondage trophy? None of this is mutually exclusive, and can vary from scene to scene- think about what your motivations are for wanting to do bondage and communicate this to your partner!

Consider blindfolding your bottom (never let them see you sweat!). If they can’t see, their fantasies can help the moment. Blindfolds are a newbie bondage top’s best friend!

We don’t recommend gags for new or new-to-each-other players. Don’t gag- communicate!

Consider whether the bondage is a means to an end (“I want to be unable to stop you when you do all these horrible things to me!”) vs. end in itself (“I want to be bound and left to float”).

There is a big difference between decoration bondage, more “psychological” bondage, and tying a bottom who is truly struggling to escape. As a bottom, unless escaping is part of the scene, consider struggling with your “lizard brain,” not your “but my IQ is 130 and I know I can figure out a way to get out of this” brain. Cultivate an attitude of assumed helplessness, participate in the scene, and cooperate!

As a top, if you have a bottom who likes inescapable bondage and often tries to escape, you’ll have to use different techniques to bind them. Remember that as they struggle your bondage will shift and tighten, which you will need to monitor. Consider placing your final knots where the bottom can’t reach them and/or putting mitts on your bottom.

Learn to make your bondage more inescapable by playing “catch and release” games where the bottom is tied up, challenged to escape (while the top closely observes how they get out), and then tied them again.

Next: Bondage positioning and location